sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
