Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
