conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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