i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
