let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
