Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
