I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You don't make any sense
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