He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
