I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't turn off my feet"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
