I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
