I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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