Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
