Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found your dick twin last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
