Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
