I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
