i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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