Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
