She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This baby is an asshole
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?