so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly