In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day