went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows