You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?