I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.