I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?