Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
