1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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