My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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