god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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