Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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