he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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