The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's never too late to be topless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
