We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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