right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
