Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
