Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
