im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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