Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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