Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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