no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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