Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
