i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
