I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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