Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
