Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
