Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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