probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize