...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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