My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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