i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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