I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
