I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
