I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
