yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
