So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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