Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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