there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
