You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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