im six kinds of drunk right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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