remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
