You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
