I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I just put wine in my tea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
