we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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