oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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