We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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