Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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