Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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