I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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