I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
