My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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