dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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