I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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