I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
