I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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