You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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