I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
